A six-month study by AgriSearch, an on-campus research arm of Dalhousie University, has shown that genetically modified (GM) cucumbers grown under license to Monsanto Inc. result in serious side effects including total groin hair loss and chafing in “sensitive areas”, leading to the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company’s crop and subsequent dill pickles. The tracking study of 643 men and women in Nova Scotia came about after reports began to surface about bald field mice and the bald feral cats that ate them being discovered by farmers on acreages growing the new crop. “The bald wild animals raised a huge flag and we immediately obtained subpoenas for the medical records of all 600 plus adults who took part in focus groups and taste tests of the cucumbers by Monsanto in Canada,” said Dr. Nancy Walker, Director of Public Health Research at Dalhousie. “Fully 3/4 of the people who ate these cukes had their crotch area hair fall out. This is not a joking matter at all…these people now have hairless heinies.”
Nova Scotia became the first province or state in North America to ban a Monsanto GM food product, although GM corn and other food crops are currently outlawed in Ireland, Japan, New Zealand, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Greece and Hungary. Governments in Australia, Spain, UK, France, Turkey, India and Mexico have public petitions or legislative bills under consideration. Californians recently voted down a bill that would have required all GM foods to be clearly labeled. Monsanto cucumbers have been ordered removed from all food stores in Nova Scotia, while Quebec stores have begun a voluntary removal, partially because the UPC code stickers contain some English.
“I pulled down my boxer shorts to get ready for bed one night and there it was…a pile of hair that looked like a chihuahua puppy,” said Eric LaMaze, who was paid $50 by Monsanto to compare the tastes of natural cucumbers to Monsanto GM cucumbers in March of this year in Halifax. “Then I saw my bits and whoa they were like all shiny skin. Bald.”
Mr. LaMaze and other taste test participants said the GM cucumbers tasted the same as the naturally grown cucumbers but made a slight “fizzing noise” when swallowed. The participants also complained of raw skin in their genital area and some bed wetting.
Monsanto Inc., a self-described Sustainable Agriculture Company based in Creve Coeur, Missouri, where they share offices with major shareholder Bain Capital, issued a statement saying, “Next generation fruits and vegetables, including VO5 cucumbers, are safe for human consumption with some potential minor side effects. Some fine-tuning is underway.”
McDonald’s Corp. issued a statement following the Nova Scotia ban announcing that they will replace dill and sweet cucumber pickles on their burgers with non-GM pickled zucchini as a precaution until it is proven that no Monsanto pickles were sold into the North American market. McDonald’s website contains a bulletin to that effect and includes a revised hip-hop Big Mac jingle that now sings, “Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickled zuke, onions on a sesame seed bun.”
Federal Minister of Health Leona Aglukkaq said a Canada-wide recall and ban will be issued within 24 hours. “The Government of Canada takes this very, very seriously,” said the Minister. “Being hairless down there should be a matter of personal choice for Canadian men and women and not one taken away by a cucumber.”
“They used to have the real cucumber slices in those salad things at the City Hall Dining Club,” sighed Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the courthouse steps after being impeached by a Provincial Judge. “Those were good times…”
Source: The Lapine
Adauga un comentariu!
Editoriale din aceeasi categorie
Autor: Aciduzzul | 26 septembrie, 2020 | 0 comentarii | 54 vizualizari | 3 voturi
In Sectorul 6 din Bucuresti lupta reala la alegerile locale din 27 septembrie se da intre actualul primar Gabriel Mutu de la PSD si Ciprian Ciucu de la PNL-USR-Plus. Inutil de precizat ca ambele personaje sunt la fel de inutile, toxice, fara eficienta manageriala si complet lipsite de carisma. Daca Mutu este recunoscut pentru afacerile […]
Autor: Aciduzzul | 26 septembrie, 2020 | 0 comentarii | 86 vizualizari | 4 voturi
Ciprian Ciucu este, probabil, unul dintre cele mai toxice personaje din asa-zisa politica din Romania. Pentru astfel de indivizi se impune nu doar o verificare atenta din partea DNA, ci chiar introducerea expertizei psihiatrice obligatorii pentru aspirantii la functii politice. Evident, niciuna dintre acestea nu este posibila in actualul context politic. Candidatul PNL sustinut si […]
Autor: Aciduzzul | 7 septembrie, 2020 | 1 comentarii | 74 vizualizari | 4 voturi
Se pare ca, dupa migratia in masa a baronilor si baronasilor PSD catre PNL, partidul din urma a prins din zbor si cateva dintre obiceiurile primului. Asa se face ca, primarul PNL dintr-o comuna obscura din judetul Arges, Albestii de Muscel, Mihai Catalin Manta, s-a gandit sa-si asigure un nou mandat printr-o metoda sigura, validata […]
Autor: Aciduzzul | 24 mai, 2019 | 3 comentarii | 420 vizualizari | 5 voturi
“Alegerile” europarlamentare 2019, in fapt un jalnic exercitiu pseudoelectoral, reflecta cat se poate de clar faptul ca Romania este un stat esuat fara posibilitatea practica de a-si mai reveni. Asistam, de fapt, la o batalie intre diversele factiuni din serviciile secrete romanesti, in fapt doar niste reminiscente bolsevico-securistoide sau neomarxiste extrem de toxice, simple anexe […]
Autor: Aciduzzul | 24 mai, 2019 | 0 comentarii | 308 vizualizari | 4 voturi
Miza “alegerilor” europarlamentare 2019 este, din perspectiva papusarilor locali si a sefilor lor alogeni, una cat se poate de simpla: cati imbecili vor mai fi vrajiti de necesitatea de a-si exercita “dreptul” de vot in numele democratiei, in perspectiva urmatoarelor “alegeri”, prezidentiale, parlamentale si locale. Prostilor, evident, nu le spune nimeni cui foloseste acesta iesire […]