Robin Steel
A six-month study by AgriSearch, an on-campus research arm of Dalhousie University, has shown that genetically modified (GM) cucumbers grown under license to Monsanto Inc. result in serious side effects including total groin hair loss and chafing in “sensitive areas”, leading to the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company’s crop and subsequent dill pickles. The tracking study of 643 men and women in Nova Scotia came about after reports began to surface about bald field mice and the bald feral cats that ate them being discovered by farmers on acreages growing the new crop. “The bald wild animals raised a huge flag and we immediately obtained subpoenas for the medical records of all 600 plus adults who took part in focus groups and taste tests of the cucumbers by Monsanto in Canada,” said Dr. Nancy Walker, Director of Public Health Research at Dalhousie. “Fully 3/4 of the people who ate these cukes had their crotch area hair fall out. This is not a joking matter at all…these people now have hairless heinies.”

Nova Scotia became the first province or state in North America to ban a Monsanto GM food product, although GM corn and other food crops are currently outlawed in Ireland, Japan, New Zealand, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Greece and Hungary. Governments in Australia, Spain, UK, France, Turkey, India and Mexico have public petitions or legislative bills under consideration. Californians recently voted down a bill that would have required all GM foods to be clearly labeled. Monsanto cucumbers have been ordered removed from all food stores in Nova Scotia, while Quebec stores have begun a voluntary removal, partially because the UPC code stickers contain some English.

“I pulled down my boxer shorts to get ready for bed one night and there it was…a pile of hair that looked like a chihuahua puppy,” said Eric LaMaze, who was paid $50 by Monsanto to compare the tastes of natural cucumbers to Monsanto GM cucumbers in March of this year in Halifax. “Then I saw my bits and whoa they were like all shiny skin. Bald.”

Mr. LaMaze and other taste test participants said the GM cucumbers tasted the same as the naturally grown cucumbers but made a slight “fizzing noise” when swallowed. The participants also complained of raw skin in their genital area and some bed wetting.

Monsanto Inc., a self-described Sustainable Agriculture Company based in Creve Coeur, Missouri, where they share offices with major shareholder Bain Capital, issued a statement saying, “Next generation fruits and vegetables, including VO5 cucumbers, are safe for human consumption with some potential minor side effects. Some fine-tuning is underway.”

McDonald’s Corp. issued a statement following the Nova Scotia ban announcing that they will replace dill and sweet cucumber pickles on their burgers with non-GM pickled zucchini as a precaution until it is proven that no Monsanto pickles were sold into the North American market. McDonald’s website contains a bulletin to that effect and includes a revised hip-hop Big Mac jingle that now sings, “Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickled zuke, onions on a sesame seed bun.”

Federal Minister of Health Leona Aglukkaq said a Canada-wide recall and ban will be issued within 24 hours. “The Government of Canada takes this very, very seriously,” said the Minister. “Being hairless down there should be a matter of personal choice for Canadian men and women and not one taken away by a cucumber.”

“They used to have the real cucumber slices in those salad things at the City Hall Dining Club,” sighed Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the courthouse steps after being impeached by a Provincial Judge. “Those were good times…”

Source: The Lapine

Adauga un comentariu!

Apăsaţi aici pentru a anula un răspuns.

Nume (necesar)

E-mail (necesar dar nu va fi publicat)

Website

CAPTCHA Code *

Marius Șerban Odată cu intrarea într-o nouă stare de criză, după ce tocmai am ieșit din una de alertă, pentru că, nu-i așa, starea de continuă criză este singura formulă prin care mai poate fi controlată cât de cât o populație debusolată, anomizată, se vântură tot felul de versiuni de proiecte de lege, prin care, […]

Legea vaccinarii obligatorii a fost adoptata in UNANIMITATATE in comisia de santate din Camera Deputatilor. Adica au votat-o toate “partidele” politice, fara exceptie! Chiar daca au fost aduse sute de amendamente fata de varianta adoptata acum doi ani de Senat, ce sa vezi, s-a pastrat neatins un articol, cu ginion, articolul 13 care prevede la […]

Niciodata in intreaga sa istorie statul si poporul roman, atat cat a mai ramas, nu au fost atat de aprope de extinctie ca acum. Practic, acum se joaca viitorul Romaniei intr-un context politic international extrem de nefavorabil. Lipsa de reactie inseamna acum, pur si simplu, extinctie! Practic, toate partidele, cu exceptia Partidului Noua Romanie (PNR) […]

Partidul Noua Romanie (PNR) considera ca Justitia din Romania este una dintre cele mai corupte institutii publice, fapt confirmat de sondajele de opinie, deciziile contradictorii si arbitrare ale magistratilor avand repercursiuni catastrofale asupra oamenilor si decredibilizand semnificativ statul roman, si asa in disoulutie. PNR sustine cu tarie o lege prin care magistratii sa fie trasi […]

Partidul Noua Romanie (PNR), sustinut de Miscarea Civica Frontul Alfa, sustine ca este o problema de siguranta nationala, in contextul crizei economice fara precedent care va lovi Romania, confiscarea averilor ilicite, investigarea surselor averii afisate, cu precadere pentru demnitari si functionarii publici, audit pentru verificarea datoriei publice a Romaniei, reintroducerea pedepsei cu moartea si majorarea […]